The Heart Is Meant To Be Broken
by CorvusLacrima
Summary: Eren is still grieving for the death of his comrades. One night after the expedition, he saw Captain Levi sitting alone in the dining room. Eren will soon realize that there is someone who is experiencing a lot more pain than him. One-shot Rivetra, slight mention of ErenMikasa


Eren stared blankly at the ceiling. He was tired of grieving. His eyes seemed to have cried out every tear, he felt light-headed and drained. Things happened so fast. It's been a few hours since he lost his comrades in the expedition. And within these hours he hasn't done anything better than to grieve. If only he followed his instincts and transformed into a Titan he might've saved his comrades from the Female Titan. Why did he let that monster get too close to them?

Eren felt the weight on his chest become heavier at the thought. He was tired, yet he can't bring himself to sleep. The scene kept on running in his mind; it's as if he was watching their deaths all over again. He felt responsible for the loss of Captain Levi's group. If only he was strong enough to protect them, nothing like this should've happened.

"I'm not strong enough to protect them…" he whispered to himself, as he slowly sat up on his bed. He looked through the window, and realized that it was already dark. Eren pushed the white covers away from his body as he stood up on his feet. He decided to get some fresh air to soothe his mind. He should at least try. Eren walked through the corridors, trying hard not to cause any form of noise so as to not wake the others up. He slowly strolled onto the wooden staircase.

His eyes widened in surprise as he saw a faint candlelight coming from the dining room. Eren wondered who might be awake at this hour. He knew that everyone was tired because of the long, miserable day they had and needed all the rest they can get.

"Who on earth would stay up this late?" Eren muttered to himself, raising his brow in wonder.

Eren slowly crept through the shadows and peeked at the door. He was a lot more surprised when he saw the person sitting on a chair. It was no other than Captain Levi himself. The captain looked vacuously in the open space; his fingers slowly traced the rim of the white teacup placed on the table. He wasn't fazed by the sudden flicker of the candlelight the room was filled with silence.

"Captain Levi… What the hell is he doing there?" Eren thought

"Eren, I know you're just standing there. Show yourself." Levi said in his usual tone. Eren almost jumped when he heard the captain call him. He was surprised that the captain knew he was there all along. The titan shifter timidly went in front of the door, and Levi stared at him blankly. Eren has no idea if he made the captain angry because he was spying on him or he will just be dismissed soon.

"S-sorry, captain! I didn't mean to sneak up on you at this hour!" Eren explained hastily and Levi waved his hand passively at Eren.

"Mind sitting here with me for a while?" Levi called, and Eren simply nodded. He took the chair just beside the captain, trying to be formal as much as possible. After all, he is still in the presence of a superior.

"No need for formality at this time, Yaeger" Levi said as he brought the teacup to his lips. Eren looked at the captain, confusion was evident at his face. Then the scent of coffee wafted in the air. Eren was confused as to why the captain drinks such beverage at this time of night. He knew that coffee is usually used to keep a person awake and is usually drunk in the mornings, but why is Levi drinking it at night?

"So bland and cold…" Levi mumbled as he gently put down his cup of coffee on the saucer.

"Captain, if you wouldn't mind me asking, why are you drinking coffee at an hour this late?" Eren asked, and Levi didn't give the soldier a sideways glance.

"I just tried to see if it would be the same coffee as it was yesterday" Levi said, and Eren raised his brow.

"I do not understand, captain"

"It only proves that I'm not as good in making it as she does" And then it occurred to Eren. Levi was talking about Petra. Eren remembered that it was a habit of Petra to make coffee for the captain every morning. But it made Eren wonder was the captain mourning at the loss of a comrade?

Eren knew that Levi was cold and apathetic. Seeing his comrades die in front of him never fazed him. It didn't even bother him when they threw their corpses so that the Recon Corps can escape. He wasn't the kind of man who would shed a single tear for the death of someone. He was a person with no feelings at all, and seeing him like this made Eren think differently about him.

"Are you grieving because of the loss of your comrades, captain?" Eren dared to ask and this time Levi looked at him with his indifferent eyes.

"Not all of them, some of them just wasted their lives" With this, Eren confirmed that Captain Levi is really mourning for the soldiers who died in the expedition.

"I don't think all of them wasted their lives, they fought for humanity" Eren defended and Levi scoffed at this.

"If they can't fight well, they might've stayed in the walls if they are too weak" he said as he took another sip of his coffee.

"At least they have the courage to stand up against something they knew that is too strong for them. They tried their best to serve humanity. Their deaths saved another comrade; they are willing to sacrifice their lives for the sake of others!" Eren said hotly, recalling how Petra and the others protected him from the Female Titan. He remembered them telling him that he should learn to trust them, and he did. In exchange of his life, four lives have been taken. And for that Eren has no idea on how to repay them for their ultimate sacrifice.

"Yes, lives of thousands of soldiers in exchange for a single life. It's not rational, don't you think? Many people would only grieve. After all, the heart is made to be broken" Levi countered and Eren gritted his teeth.

"That's not true! It only takes one life to avenge the lives lost by those thousand soldiers. If they are willing to do such sacrifice, it will only mean that they trust that man to do continue their work. To defend humanity for their sake! I know all too well. I know that I was that life that cost the lives of many soldiers. And I wouldn't let myself fail them! Because I know they trust me!" Eren cried, tears were pooling on his eyes. Levi still wore his apathetic look as he put the teacup on the saucer once again. He hid his face from the light of the candle and Eren waited for his response.

"If you wish to do that, you have to become more powerful. You have to be more powerful to defend everything they love and worked hard for. And you have to have the strength to withstand the loved ones they have left behind for your sake. You have to bear seeing them scream at you, to see them hoping for their return or to see them cry in pain because of their deaths. You must be powerful to defend all those you treasure." Levi stated

"Captain, I will get stronger. I will be able to protect each one of them. I will never fail them" Eren said with this determined look on his face.

"Gaining strength is not an easy job, Eren"

"I know that"

"It is a journey in which you will be tested. You will be wounded in many ways possible. In which you must restrict yourself in gaining happiness for the sake of getting stronger" Eren stared at Levi, the captain looked at the fire dancing at the wick of the candle.

"Captain?" Levi closed his eyes before slowly opening it up again.

"I'll tell you a story, Eren" Eren was a bit surprised that the captain is actually going to share something to him. This is the first time he had a talk like this with the captain.

"There was a man who lived in dark, lonely world. A world filled with death and sorrow. He never knew where he came from or how he ended up living in such place. In time, he learned to survive, but his methods weren't that ethical. One day, he got caught doing his dirty work. A man in green robes went to him and took him in. That man gave him a purpose in life, but still, he had to stain his hands with blood. He was trained to not have any emotions, or to learn how to suppress it. The man grew apathetic, not caring at all if his friends die in front of him. He gave up gaining happiness to become stronger. He gave up having emotions to become stronger. He turned into a man with a heart of stone. Because of this, he was known to be one of the strongest. He was respected, he became an inspiration and he became a hero through the eyes of others. But he felt nothing. He felt no love, joy or pride from the people around him. After all, he was emotionless. Still, the tides have been turned. He met a soldier, a woman, to be exact. She was kind, caring, bright, and beautiful, attributes a person cannot see within a soldier, yet, she is strong, stronger than any of the male soldiers out there. She intrigued him, but he didn't show it. Every day she greets him with a warm smile. Every morning she makes him a warm cup of coffee. She was with him whenever he reads a book in the study. Every time they train, she never fails to impress him. When they have the duty to clean, she was always there with him to mop the floors. When they are in a battle, they work together as if their minds were working as one. And every day, each time he sees her, she never fail to make him fall in love with her. But love and affection is something he was not allowed to have. He was trained not to have any affection, for he was made to kill not to love. But this never stopped him to gain his own happiness. That woman was the only one who was able to make him smile the faintest smile, the woman who actually made him feel emotions. He never knew how she got herself to love him back. What did she see in him that made her return his affections? He never knew. She showed her love to him just by simply placing a warm kiss on his forehead. For the first time, he denied who he truly is for just one day. He secretly married the woman and tried to hide their relationship after. They remained the same, nothing has changed except that they savoured every moment they have with each other. But there was one event that broke the two of them apart. As soldiers they were faced with deadly battles, both of them knew that they should make it out alive. And they knew that they are strong enough to defend themselves. One time the woman was overpowered. For the first time she felt weak, seeing her friends die in front of her made her weak. And then someone was about to get killed in front of her again. She never wanted to see someone die once more. So she sacrificed her life for the sake of the other. She died, but that comrade of hers is not yet safe from the threat. Just then the man came in to help them all, only to see her lifeless body on the ground. He can't shed a tear, he can't scream in anger and pain. He only stared at her, while he was hurting inside. He tried his best to continue her work and saved that comrade of hers. But the never left him. No one noticed his grief; no one cared for his pain. For they believed that her corpse was nothing to him, but little did they know that he was willing to sacrifice thousands of lives just to make her live. The pain was killing him inside, and thus he learned the real reason why he was raised not to feel anything. He cannot feel the pain of losing someone, he cannot prioritize a single person over humanity, and as a killer he does not deserve to love or be loved. He knew he was strong, but he was not strong enough. After that, he returned to be that person he once was before he met her" Levi finished, hiding his face in his right hand and Eren could hardly even see his face.

Levi told the story without bothering to say the name of the man and the woman. Eren found it quite odd to hear Levi tell him a tragic tale of love, it was hard to believe. But Eren wasn't stupid to not realize who the man in the story is. It was no other than Captain Levi himself. As for the woman, Eren knew from the start that it was the soldier Petra Ral.

"Captain, why are you telling this to me?" Eren asked Levi, his voice shaking. Levi did not move a muscle.

"I told you that she was weak, too weak to defend herself, what more defend someone like you?" Levi said, "She's too stupid and insensitive. Did she not think that you might be in a lot graver situation if she leaves your side? Did she not even think of the people she will leave behind?"

Levi's tone became cold and Eren felt bad for the captain. He was the reason why Petra died, and he can't blame Levi if he was angry at him.

"But if it weren't for her, there would be no hope for humanity" Levi looked at Eren, "I do not trust you, titan shifter. But perhaps, you may be the key for the freedom of humanity from these titans"

"I'm not even strong enough…" Eren muttered, the images of his dead comrades raced through his mind again.

"I know you are not strong enough, not yet. You can't even defend Mikasa when you have to" Levi stated and Eren chuckled humourlessly.

"Mikasa doesn't need any protection, captain. She is stronger than you think"

"That's what you think, Yaeger. But there will be a time in which she can't even defend herself because she's too weak. If there is no else capable of defending her, who would? She will die. That's why you should become stronger Eren, stronger than Mikasa can ever be. If you are stronger by then, you might actually protect her. But you should never become a person like that man. He was stupid to let himself be devoid of feelings that he never even got to show that woman how much she means to him" Levi said. Eren stared at the captain's eyes. At first glance, it didn't show much emotion, but if you look deeper, you can see sorrow in his eyes. His actions may look like he never cared, but his eyes speaks otherwise.

"I'm sorry, captain. For your loss, that is. I promise that I will honour her death by being able to continue the work she's left behind. I will become more powerful, captain"

Levi raised a brow at Eren

"I will look forward to that, Yaeger. Go back to your chamber. And I do not need your condolences. Nobody died anyway." Levi stood up from his seat and took his empty cup with him, leaving Eren in the dining room. Eren gave a faint smile.

"So the captain has feeling after all" he thought as he went back to his room.

Levi put his teacup on the sink and washed it soap and water. He put the cup and saucer back to the cupboard and turned to leave. When he reached his chambers, he sat down on his bed and stared at the ceiling.

"Your death is not our end, Petra. You just happened to go to a world where there is no bloodshed and sorrow. At least, you are free from all pain and fear. How I wonder, when will we meet again?" Levi closed his eyes for a moment. For a moment he felt something warm on his forehead and soft delicate hands brushing on his hair.

Levi smiled faintly as the feeling went away. He heard a soft whisper in the air.

"I love you, captain" Levi opened his eyes, his faint smile never escaped his lips

"As do I"


End file.
